I know many have polarized opinions on this topic, so before anyone says anything, I am NOT trying to encourage parents/players to leave their teams, or start World War III in the comment section of this post. I promise you – this is just my best advice for parents AND players looking for some guidance.

I spent 4 hours writing this post, 3 weeks procrastinating on it, and about 3 days rereading and rewriting this post over and over again. So please people. Be. Nice.

Sometimes looking for a new team, or mentioning it to others can seem a little taboo. But this is an extremely tough AND important decision to make that will have a long-term impact on your daughter’s happiness, and view of the sport. So this post is simply meant to help parents determine what is best for their daughters.

Coaches who are in it for the right reasons should also agree that sometimes doing what’s best for the PLAYER may not always be the same as what’s best for the TEAM.

I think the first thing that we can all agree on is that it’s completely natural to outgrow teams throughout your career. Every player is different and is looking for different things and those things can change as a player grows up and develops. One player may want to play year-round, whereas another may not want as big of a commitment. Each are perfectly ok – but it’s important to find the team that is the best fit for that player’s individual needs and goals.

As an unbiased third party and private coach, there are two main reasons why I would encourage a kid to leave a team. The first reason is if you’re daughter is one of the best players on her current team or wants/needs to be challenged. It would be typical to assume that if she’s ALREADY the best, she won’t work as hard or be as motivated if she continues to play with players below her skill level. The only way GOOD players become GREAT is if they continually try to raise their own level of play by getting on the field with players who are BETTER THAN THEM.

Is it fun watching your daughter dominate? Absolutely. But for her long-term growth and development, she may be better off elsewhere if she WANTS to take it the next level, even if that means she’s not the best on the team.

The second reason would be for an opportunity with better coaching. If a spot opened up with a coach you know you’ll love and who has a lot to teach you, then it’s always a good idea to expose your players to better or more knowledge.

Alright – so let’s get down to why you’re really here.

My daughter is unhappy with her current team. What now?

The first and most important thing is to finish out your commitment to your current team. Parents – I know this may be tough trying to force your daughter to go to practices and games when she isn’t enjoying it or knowing that you plan on leaving at the end of the season, but this will be a life lesson that she will carry with her throughout her life, much further than just her time on the diamond.

Encourage her to continue to have a good attitude about it, even if you plan on leaving at the end of the season. Just because you may be unhappy, doesn’t mean that she should have a bad attitude towards her teammates or coaches. If she’s not happy with her playing time, still encourage her to try her best, work hard, and hustle. If she continues to do her best, one of two things may happen… #1. If she works her butt off, she could turn a bad situation into a good one. Her coaches may notice her hard work and things may turn around for her as she realizes this team isn’t as bad as she thought it was and decide to ultimately stay. It’s also a great life lesson to learn that by putting in the work you may get the results that you want.

The grass isnt always greener on another team. By working hard and establishing yourself on your current team will only develop better work ethic habits for later on in life.

OR #2. She may get noticed by other teams for her great attitude and effort. This always goes a long way when it comes to tryout season if an opposing coach remembers your hustle and attitude on the field. You truly never know who may be watching or listening – and in softball your reputation is everything. You don’t want to be known as a team-hopper or for being that girl who quit mid-season. Once you start getting a bad reputation it’s extremely difficult to repair it for both players AND parents.

Not only is a coach committing to the player for the entire year, but many coaches know they are also committing to the PARENTS as well. So, parents – it’s important for you to also have a good attitude as well for the remainder of the season. Parents who complain and talk bad about others raise kids who do the same. Which can damage their chances of making a good impression on coaches and recruiters.

Parents, teach your daughter to be a team player. Teach her that hard work and dedication is the key to success in life AND in sports. Even though things may not be 100% sunny side up at the moment, learning to respect others even while working through difficult situations will go a long way both on and off the softball field.

I left my VERY good 16u team when I was 15 because the area’s best OPEN team offered me a spot. Some of the girls on the team were actually going to be my future NU teammates. These open girls were the best local college players consolidated on one team. I ADORED my 16u coaches, as they had took a chance on me when I was 12 (a true rookie, TBH) and built me up to where I was. I felt extremely guilty as they were the ones who worked so hard to get me started. But they recognized that this was an opportunity that I just simply could not pass up. They supported my decision to play up (which I am forever grateful for), and I still talk to those coaches to this day. I look back and I know that they were the ones who made the biggest impact on my career (I just hope they know that too!).

Ok, I got that. But what should we do in the meantime?

In the meantime, I would recommend you do your research and doing some window shopping.

Pay attention to your opposing teams during your league games and tournaments. Were their warmups organized? Did the coaches know the rules? Were they helpful and encouraging to the girls? What about their body language towards their players? What was their demeanor towards the umpires? How did they react when things didn’t go their way?

This MATTERS. Culture matters. Team culture is ALWAYS top down. If a coach is respectful, he is teaching his girls to also be respectful. I have always believed that softball will always be more than just a sport and there to teach girls life lessons that they can take away from the diamond. The coach you choose will play a decisive role in your daughter’s life and impact her far beyond her softball days.

Unpopular Opinion: Coaches who prioritize a player’s character and development FIRST are the coaches who develop the BEST softball players.

Also, just because a team has the right NAME doesn’t mean it will be the right fit. Would you rather play for a lesser known team – but have an AMAZING experience with a coach you LOVE? Or would you rather play for a well known team for the bragging rights and be MISERABLE with a coach who has different values than your daughter?

Finding the correct COACH for your daughter is far more important than the name on the FRONT of the jersey.

Next – Come up with a list of 3-5 of your daughter’s top choices. Find out who the coaches are – and do some research. Maybe you and your daughter attend some of their games and pay attention to what I mentioned above. Maybe your daughter has a friend on one of the teams. Ask them what they think of the coach and how their experience has been thus far.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to those coaches. As long as it doesn’t conflict with your current team’s schedule – offer to sub for the other team,  be a bench player at one of their games, or to run bases for them at practice. It’s a good rule of thumb to always ask your current coach if it’s ok to pick up extra games, but typically as a coach, as long as there was 100% transparency I never had any problem with it as long as it didn’t conflict with our team’s schedule. As a coach – I will never say no to kids who want to play more.

I know some coaches have issues with this – but I never had any qualms with my girls playing for other teams. My view always was the more experience they get, the better! I played and subbed for multiple teams during the season growing up and to be honest – LOVED the experience of going to different places and exposure to different coaches! I always made my primary team a priority, but if I had a free weekend – typically I was helping out another team. I got to play many different positions while I did it, and ultimately I think this is what helped me develop into a better well-rounded player!

Guest subbing or practicing can be a great opportunity for you to ‘try out’ this new team. Did your daughter fit in with the girls on the team? Did she like their coaching style? Was she able to contribute?

While reaching out to these coaches, ask if they know what their team’s needs are for the following season. If they are ONLY looking for a pitcher, and your daughter is a centerfielder, then you know you should be looking elsewhere. 

Whatever your answer was, this will be a great opportunity for you to know exactly which tryouts to attend and which to prioritize.

And to sum it up,

As a coach, I think it’s extremely important that we instill the ‘team player’ attitude in all of our girls. I know that it can be hard to make everyone happy, and not all 11 of your players can play SS and bat in the cleanup spot. But, I also believe that there is a home and a team for everyone.

Right fielders are important too. (Heck, I played right field, and LOVED IT).

Figure out what your child’s goals are. Does she want to play in college? Or does she just play for fun with her friends? Does she want to play 3 tournaments a year, or 12? Maybe she also plays other sports during the offseason? 

If your daughter is passionate about the game and has the talent, encourage her to take chances on teams that will better and motivate her! Most importantly, she should always be having FUN!

Always remember that this should be your DAUGHTER’S DECISION and although you should encourage her, ultimately SHE should be the driving force behind this change.

Always remember to HAVE FUN and HUSTLE HARD.

P.S.  Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince. 😉